dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
