when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She bit a glass in half.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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