my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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