I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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