Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
