All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
