HIV tests are more positive than that guy
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
