so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He? As in you personified your dick?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
