You really coming over, don't trick.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
