Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
did you just send me my own nude
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
