Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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