I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just googled if crying burns calories
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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