your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
