What a fucking waste of an outfit
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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