This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
