I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
