Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
