This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
