the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
