he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
