so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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