I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
