A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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