the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
