I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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