Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
