I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Even my vagina gasped.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
