If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Couch. On fire.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
