wake up i wanna do it froggy style
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
