i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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