we're blogging at a bar
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
