okay pat passed out under dana's car
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
