Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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