That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
