dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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