You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my poor anus
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
