Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
