The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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