There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
