Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
