I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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