I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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