apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
