What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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