make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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