i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
