im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize