is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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