You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
