Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
