EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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