just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
