if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
