so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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