We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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