i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
