You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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