The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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